“A great sex
partner is someone that is committed to the experience of having
healthy, fun and satisfying sex that is mutually pleasurable,” says
licensed marriage and family therapist, Marissa Nelson,
LMFT, CST. “ It is important for men to be a great sex partner because
instead of sex acting as validation for a guy’s sense of manhood, or
only being about perfect sexual performance, they focus on pleasure and
creating a space for exploration, excitement, naughtiness and sexual
satisfaction for themselves and partner.”
How
do you know if you’re bringing the highest level of sexual commitment,
attentiveness and intensity to your partner? Here, experts share the
qualities of an incredible sex partner. Consider this your check off
list:
1. A Great Sex Partner Knows How To Communicate
In
every relationships, there are always sensitive topics: past love
history, your first big fight where you completely disagree and that big
moment when you give constructive criticism in the bedroom. As touchy
as it may feel to talk about what gets you going and what simply isn’t
working, it’s the first step in building intimacy and showing you’re a
dedicated partner. “Knowing what you like and telling your partner
exactly how to help you feel good is great communication and allows the
focus to be strictly on pleasure,” says relationship expert Dr. Lexx Brown-James, LMF.
If you’re not sure how to get the conversation going, licensed marriage and family therapist, Esther Boykin,
LMFT, says asking questions is an easy starting point to open up
dialogue. “The ability to talk about sex is key to creating and
maintaining good sexual chemistry,” she says. “Learn to get comfortable
asking your partner about their likes and their fantasies; and don’t
wait to be asked to share yours. A great partner is one who is willing
to set the stage for honest and loving communication about sex. After
all how can you learn how to please each other if you aren’t willing to
even talk about it.”
2. A Great Sex Partner Is In Charge Of Their Own Orgasm
Allow
the experts (and women everywhere) to set the record straight: it is
not your partner’s responsibility to make sure you finish at the end of
oral or physical intercourse. In fact, what’s sexier and better when
you’re someone’s partner, in life and in bed, is taking charge of your
orgasm so they know exactly what you need. “Taking sexual charge is hot.
Sexual confidence
is a turnon and knowing your body (and how to manipulate it
pleasurably) can also be highly erotic,” says Brown-James. “Doing these
things make a great sex partner baseline and you can add from there to
meet your partner’s needs.”
No one
wants to spend more time down south because you’re holding on for as
long as you can to get the most action, and after she’s orgasmed, she
likely doesn’t want to spend another 30 minutes trying to get you to. Be
in charge of your sexuality, your orgasm and the things that make you a
sexual being — just don’t forget to show her so she learns, too.
3. A Great Sex Partner Can Get Out Of Their Own Way
Even
if you’re healthy, active and in superb shape, it’s not always about
your body. More times than not, it’s about your mind. What are you
thinking about during foreplay? Or when you first start having sex? Do
you spend so much time in your head that you don’t allow yourself to be
fully engaged in the moments you’re missing by thinking? “Our biggest
sex organ is out brain! If our minds are all over the place and we are
not able to remain present, then it will make it more difficult to enjoy
sexual activity and to be a good sexual partner,” says Dr. Rachel Needle, licensed clinical psychologist and certified sex therapist.
The
next time you’re getting frisky with your girl, experts say to focus on
the simplest things she’s doing, right in that moment (the way her face
moves as she gets turned on, how she reaches for you, the way her
breasts move when she’s on top) to keep your mind exactly where it
should be: savoring every freakin’ second of sex.
4. A Great Sex Partner Is Curious And Open To Change
Consider
what turned you on when you were 16. Then at 21. How about 25? Just
like you evolve in your career and your social circle, your desires and
needs change, too. When you’re a good sexual partner, you want to
continuously feel connected to the person you’re making love to, and to
do that, you have to not only be willing to try new things but allow
their intimate feelings to change, too.
“The
best part of human relationships, and often the most challenging, is
that we are always growing and changing,” Boykin says. “This dynamic and
evolving nature can be especially fun in your sex life but only if you
keep an open-minded curiosity about each other. Great sex partners know
that great sex starts with a commitment to keep learning and exploring your partner’s body and mind.”
5. A Great Sex Partner Doesn’t Skimp On The Foreplay
If
you don’t think by now, you should: women need foreplay more than men.
When you’re warming up for a big race — as sex can often be like — you
have to stretch everything out and warm up before crossing that finish
line. If you have the same kiss, touch, lick and spank tango, your
girlfriend is probably getting tired of it already. “The good news is
that foreplay need not be relegated to some kind of step-by-step routine
you learned in high school. A great sex partner knows that foreplay is
anything that increases the anticipation of sex in their partner,”
Boykin says. “Sexy text messages,
a photo, a massage, a little help around the house- whatever it takes
to help your partner transition from the busy-ness of their daily
routine into a mental (and physical) space that is focused on
experiencing pleasure counts as foreplay.”
The
key to foreplay, really, is making sure your partner is happy. Why?
When they’re at their happiest and most comfortable, that’s when they
will let go sexually and both of you will have a better time.
6. A Great Sex Partner Is Confident
“Confidence
and assertiveness isn’t about always taking charge or always
initiating. Rather it’s a quality that allows you to be flexible and
secure as you navigate the ebb and flow of sexuality in your
relationship,” Boykin says. “Great sex partners don’t shy away from
adventure or vulnerability in sex; they embrace it with self-assurance.
That willingness to put yourself out there and trust that you have
something amazing to offer your sex partner is often a self-fulfilling
prophecy leading you to be the greatest sex partner they ever had.”
By
showing your partner that you are a sexual being and you’re confident
in your abilities, you’re illustrating that you’re going to be in charge
of your sexual destiny. This way, she knows you’re always up for
something and always willing to learn. “Just remember that confidence is
not the same as cockiness (no pun intended),” Boykin notes. “You still
need to be curious and attentive to your partner’s needs but when you
ask do so with the confidence that whatever they need, you are the man
who can give it to them.”
7. A Great Sex Partner Has Fun
Ultimately,
the point of sex is to enjoy yourselves, right? No one has sex because
it’s horrible, a bad experience and something they ‘have to do.’ (And if
they are, that’s your first problem, bro.) Nelson says that being an
awesome partner is someone who loves having sex and especially, loves
having sex with you. “You should make sex lively, entertaining and
enjoyable. Don’t be afraid to share a laugh, try crazy positions, try
sex toys together or go on a hunt for that spot you read about,” she
says. “Some playfulness, mixed with adventure and some steamy moments
makes for an incredibly awesome sex life, thanks to you.”
Source: Askmen
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