Most parents cannot wait to greet their children with a big hug when they get back from school. But for terrified Pauline Bubb, it was the time of day that she dreaded the most.
For the 47-year-old has admitted that she was attacked up to 30 times a day and left bruised by her own children.
Pauline revealed that she lived in fear of her angelic-looking nine-year-old daughter Sapphire and her violent brother Spencer, 11, who would join in some of the abuse.
But for a long time the exhausted single parent was too embarrassed to tell anyone she was being “beaten up” by the youngsters.
At her wits’ end and fearing her children were suffering, Pauline agreed to be part of a Channel 5 show to get the help she so desperately needed for her family.
Recalling her terror, Pauline told the Mirror how she would often flee to her bedroom or bathroom and lock the door.
Cowering in the corner, she would have to wait for the children to calm down. And she would sit shaking with fear as she waited for them to return from school, afraid they might fly into a rage when they walked in.
Pauline, from Southampton, said: “At worst Sapphire was attacking me 30 times a day. My legs would often be bruised and I had to keep them covered. She started off two years ago with controlling behaviour. She would ask me a question like, ‘Can I have a packet of crisps?’ but then say ‘Yes Sapphire’.
“Then I had to say it, but exactly how she wanted me to. I couldn’t say it too fast or too slow, I had to stand still, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t blink. She would repeat herself 20 or 30 times. If I said no, she would get louder, start swearing and hit me. Four months ago she bit my face.”
Pauline also described how Spencer started to become violent at an even younger age – and stabbed her in the stomach with scissors when he was four.
The next year he was diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD. “He was very angry,” she said. “It was because I said no to something. Another time he strangled me from behind. I was frightened of my own kids.”
While Spencer’s violence abated under medication, Sapphire’s exploded when she turned seven. Her twin sister, Jorja, rarely joined in and would often retreat in silence.
But Sapphire and Spencer would regularly turn on their mum in terrifying attacks.
Pauline added: “I started to feel sick waiting for them to come home, my stomach would churn. I would have palpitations. I would get myself in such a state. I felt embarrassed to say, ‘My children are beating me up’. That’s why I let it go on.
“Outside they had impeccable manners, they held open doors, and picked up things. It would happen behind closed doors.” Pauline has two other daughters who are in their twenties from a previous marriage. She split up from the father of her youngest three not long after the twins were born.
She said: “Sometimes they acted like a mob and turned on me, all three of them. I would go to my bedroom or the toilet. Sometimes I was scared to come out and face them – but they haven’t got anyone else, only me.”
The most recently available figures show that 118 children aged under 14 were prosecuted for domestic abuse in 2012/13 and more than 2,100 teenagers aged between 14 and 17.
Wednesday’s documentary, My Violent Child, has unearthed a number of families with young children who are carrying out abuse. Footage shows a distraught Sapphire screaming in tears, lashing out and swearing at her downbeat mother.
Sapphire says to the camera: “I don’t understand why I get angry, I hurt people and I kick. I have anger issues.”
Unlike her brother, the schoolgirl has not been diagnosed with ADHD, but has been diagnosed with anxiety and separation issues – she often gets upset when she thinks her mum is leaving.
Parenting expert Islay Downey, who has worked to help the Bubb family since they took part in filming, admitted it is growing problem. She said one-in-11 families experience similar problems to Pauline’s.
She explained: “When parents lack confidence, children get more power than they should. They need boundaries, they need firm but fair parents.
"It’s not children who are the demons here, they behave as they do because of us.”
It is a lesson Pauline admitted took her too long to learn. She said: “It made me sad that they could be so angry and hurt me. They bullied me. I was scared to say no. It got to the point where, if they wanted to, they could have a packet of crisps before dinner or stay up until 10pm.”
Last year she reached breaking point and got help by signing up to a parenting course. She now thinks she was making mistakes which pushed her children to violence. “I was inconsistent,” she said.
“I had no boundaries and had lost my parental control. They didn’t feel safe. I was trying to be a mum and a dad and a friend. I wanted them to like me. They are my world.”
Since the course, Pauline has started saying no to her children and they have calmed down.
She added: “It’s simple things like eating at the table. Being confident in myself has changed things. Occasionally they still get violent but it is short-lived.
“They they are healthy and doing well at school. I love them to pieces.”
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