Sometimes it feels as if you are completely in control of your life, but when it comes to FRIENDSHIPs/RELATIONSHIPs there is always the other person. In a relationship, you cannot be the puppeteer. People have their own emotions, behaviours, actions, beliefs, scars, wounds, fears, dreams, and perspectives. They are their own person. How often have you wanted a FRIENDSHIP/RELATIONSHIP to be something that it is not? How many times have you said a certain word or phrase in order to spark a specific reaction? How much do you expect from this person or persons? Do they fail you each and every time?
In healthy FRIENDSHIPs/RELATIONSHIPs there are certain expectations, like being treated well or being respected. Yet sometimes we find ourselves in FRIENDSHIPs/RELATIONSHIPs that don’t mirror what we anticipate to happen. We may feel hurt or used. We cannot expect other people to treat us as we would treat them. We cannot assume anything or force change upon someone who clearly demonstrates he or she is stuck in his or her own way. With eyes full of clarity, I am capable of changing the FRIENDSHIPs/RELATIONSHIPs in my life by adjusting my point of view.
I could no longer take the feelings of disappointment. These feelings were a direct result of what I was expecting from FRIENDs: Assuming they would respond to things as I would. Assuming they would care like I do. Assuming they think in a similar way as I do. I was living in a fantasyland of my hopes, dreams, ideas, beliefs, expectations, and assumptions. I was hurting myself most. For the protection of my emotional body, I changed my perception from what I hoped would happen to being open to experience whatever actually happens. This shift didn’t occur immediately, but by following the five steps listed below I was able to come to peace with the type of FRIENDSHIP/RELATIONSHIP I have with MY FRIENDS.
1. BE AWARE OF REALITY. Acknowledge the other person’s behaviours. Look at patterns and how they regularly treat you. Remember the feelings you had in the past. Don’t be fooled into believing things are different from how they are.
2. STOP MANIPULATING SITUATIONS. Many times we yearn for specific responses, like validation and approval. When we do not receive what we want, we may speak or behave in certain ways to try to elicit the desired reaction. This type of behaviour leaves us feeling empty when the other person does not react the way we hope they would. Remember, you cannot change anyone; it is up to them to change.
3. LET GO. Throw expectations and assumptions out the door. Release the hopes, wishes, and dreams that things will change by detaching from the ideas. Get out of the fantasy world by not hooking into the thoughts of what could be. Keep your mind from running into the future. Remain open to all possibilities by staying in the present moment.
4. FOCUS ON THOSE WHO LOVES YOU. It will be easier to follow the third step if you remind yourself of those who are there for you. They continue to be there because they care about you. Focus on people who make you feel loved, connected, cared for, and worthy. Reach out to them and reconnect.
5. LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. Provide yourself with what you are yearning for (compliments, compassion, or encouragement). Only you know what you truly need. Realize each moment you are being the best you at that time. Build self-confidence and strive to eliminate any doubts you have about yourself. When you feel shaky or alone, look in your eyes in the mirror and say, “I love you.” Nurture yourself. Feel the love you have inside of yourself. Let go of your expectations of people and see how your FRIENDSHIP/RELATIONSHIP changes. And if you don’t feel differently about it or if it’s not benefiting you, you can always walk away. Your emotional state matters most. You cannot control other people, but you can make yourself happy. ...Ify Okeke #MotivationalSpeaker#Nollywoodactress #Nigeriaactress #Daddy'sGirl#PlusSexyMode
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